Practical Application for Husbands & WivesMarch 22, 2010
Did you know? All your burning filmmaking questions have answers. Find them in Vimeo Video School. Eggerich's book, Love & Respect, along with its companion workbook show couples how to communicate better by teaching them each other's communication language - love for her and respect for him. Paperback book & workbook. The Language of Love & Respect, Book & Workbook by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Love and Respect. Category People & Blogs; Show more Show less. Autoplay When autoplay is enabled, a suggested video will automatically play next. Parenting Principles DVD - Digital Download. By creating an emotionally healthy environment for children to grow, filled with love, guidance, and respect. Download Materials. Download Materials. They’re great for handing out to large groups and can be carried discreetly. Download the. Perfect for a locker, dorm room, bulletin board or classroom, our posters gives positive examples of how to define love, features statistics on dating abuse and lists loveisrespect’s resources. Are you ready to sign up and begin “The 15-Day Plan to Help Your Marriage”? Receive 7 emails over 15 Days that will refresh and revitalize your marriage. With Love and Respect, Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D. Founder and President of Love and Respect Ministries. The Energizing Cycle: COUPLE – how to spell love to your wife (ch. 8-14) The opposite of the Crazy Cycle is the Energizing Cycle. With it you will be able to build on the accomplishments of adding love and respect to your marriage.
For the past couple of week’s we’ve learn that women receive love by the acronym COUPLE (Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty & Esteem). At the same time men feel respected by the acronym CHAIRS (Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, Sexuality).
While it’s nice to have the insight, there was something I appreciated a little more about last week where the Eggerich’s took these acronym and placed some very practical application behind them. So, what does respecting my husband’s need for Insight really look like? What does respecting my wife’s need for Esteem look like? You’re about to find out… I don’t know about you, but sometimes I appreciate someone just telling me straight up what will work and what won’t work.
Guys – Here are some practical ways to show love to your wife.
Ways to show closeness – hold hands, give hugs, give a little lovin’ without expecting sex. (Hey…I’m just repeating what they said!)
Ways to show openness – share your feelings, speak about your day, avoid the grunting and long sighs when communicating.
Ways to show you understand – Listen and know when to give advice and when to not solve problems, repeat what she says and show her your appreciation.
Ways to encourage that feeling of peace – say “sorry” when you need to, pray with eachother.
Ways to show loyalty – Don’t look at other women, talk about your wife positively in front of family and friends, never bring up the “D” word.
Ways to hold her in high esteem – verbally support her in front of the kids, praise her for the work she does, and value her opinions even if they are different from yours.
Ladies – Here are some practical ways for you to show respect to your husbands.
Ways to appreciate his need for conquest – a simple “thanks” for going to work everyday, be his biggest cheerleader in whatever he does, ask him to talk about his dreams.
Ways to appreciate his position of hierarchy – saying things like “I really do look up to you for feeling responsible for me.” “I’m deeply touched by the thought you’d die for me.”
Ways to appreciate his authority – show him by praising him for his good decisions…a simple “That was a really good idea you had about…” Honor his authority in front of the kids.
Ways to appreciate his insight – Thank him for his advice, let him fix things (as men are solution oriented), tell him up front if all you want is someone to listen and not fix.
Ways to value his need for relationship – Tell him you like him, do things with him, encourage alone time.
Ways to value his need for sexuality – initiate, respond more often, and let him know that his need for sexuality is good…in fact…great!
In class we took this list and had a face to face with our spouse and shared the 1 or 2 things that we could work on to either show love or show respect. Notice I said 1 or 2…not 10 or 12. Let’s keep it simple to start:) If you’ve missed last week I encourage you to do the same. We’ll see you Wednesday where we’ll begin The Reward Cycle.
Use the leave a comment section at the top of this post to share your thoughts.
If you’d like to join this study in real time…Bill (my delightful husband) and I are teaching it at HopePark Wednesday Nights. If you’re a Nashville local, the door is always open. We’re at 8001 Hwy. 70 South, just off I-40. Online at http://hopepark.com and on twitter @hopepark.Me…well you can find me twittering @jodytodd and you can find Bill twittering @bill_todd.
Have a great week and I can’t wait to hear what you’re thinking!
Jody
Questions and assigned quotes from the study by Dr. Emerson Eggerich entitled “Love & Respect Video Conference.”
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A New York Times best-selling marriage book with more than one million copies sold! Based on over three decades of counseling, as well as scientific and biblical research, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his wife, Sarah, have already taken the Love & Respect message across America and are changing the way couples talk to, think about, and treat each other. What do you want fo...more
Published September 5th 2004 by Thomas Nelson (first published 2004)
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TrishaYes, it does. You can also find this verbiage on the blog: http://loveandrespect.com/blog/how-do...
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Joanne FetzerIt's a book that explains the differences in the needs of the husband and the needs of the wife. Wives need to RESPECT their husbands (doesn't come…moreIt's a book that explains the differences in the needs of the husband and the needs of the wife. Wives need to RESPECT their husbands (doesn't come naturally) and husbands need to LOVE their wives (doesn't come naturally). He talks about the dysfunction in so many marriages called the Crazy Cycle that perpetuates poor communication and lack of respect and lack of love. (less)
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Feb 28, 2012Ash McPerk rated it did not like it · review of another edition
I read this book as a part of a small group of friends. I tried to enter into the discussion with an open mind, but I have to be honest: this book is terrible. There's just no easy way to say this: the author is a chauvinist. The basic premise of the book is based on Ephesians 5:33: 'However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.' It built a case up for why women should always respect their husbands, regardless of his actions, and thu...more
Jan 16, 2008Amber rated it did not like it
I have to say that I did not enjoy reading this book at all and would not recommend it to anyone. First, it bothers me that he bases the vast majority of the books basis on a single verse. The description for this book says that Dr. Emerson has done extensive biblical research on his proposed idea of men needing respect and women needing love. However, I see very little that verifies this claim. Extensive biblical research would show Dr. Emerson’s thorough and careful exegesis of Ephesians 5:33,...more
Jan 05, 2009Pink rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: any one who doesn't even know how to talk to their spouse anymore
Shelves: discovering-who-i-am-inside-and-out
The best marriage book I've found so far. Based on the fact that women need love and men need respect. For years that concept turned me off of reading this book, until the wall was so great that I had nowhere else to turn to find out how to talk to my husband again. This book saved my marriage by teaching me how to talk to my hubby in a way that showed him what I was feeling in my heart in a way he understood. By the way, I don't recommend taking this book from page 1 if you are in dire straights...more
Love & Respect is one of the worst so-called biblical books on marriage that I have ever read which is not an over exaggeration. The writer's egregious exegesis should not be ignored. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs clearly hates women and uses twisted biblical concepts to degrade and humiliate women while promoting male superiority. At no time does he acknowledge that love is God's first priority. His video series is equally demeaning to women and glorifies the male ego to the exclusion of a woman's...more
My boyfriend's parents bought us this book because they found it so helpful for their own marriage. My boyfriend and I read it together, but we only finished it because we told his parents we'd read it. As a woman, I found I did not relate *at all* to most of what Eggerichs claims about women. Yes, I desire love, but I desire respect at least as much, possibly more so, and frankly I don't think the two ideas are as separate as this book suggests. Eggerichs fails to clearly define either 'love' or...more
Sep 28, 2012Elizabeth rated it it was amazing
I don’t know if everyone will view this book with the same ‘Aha’ I did or if it is just the timing in my life. Some women don’t like this book because they view it as blaming women; my husband hates every sermon on marriage because he views it as blaming men. I think this book is very balanced and contains the proper amount of disclaimers on stereotypes, etc; and gives hundred examples of how both sides can start off the crazy cycle of her disrespect makes him unloving, repeat (though once he sa...more
Aug 27, 2011Susan rated it did not like it · review of another edition
I believe this author has it wrong thinking women are more interested in 'FEELING loved' than in BEING respected and treated like intellectual equals. So many women go out of their way to respect (and love) their men to the point of being doormats and yet still feel unloved and disrespected, and are then hit on the head with Bible passages to boot. It would be beneficial if the author spent equal time showing men healthy ways to communicate what they need in order to feel respected (and loved). I...more
Okay, so I'm a lifelong single guy. Still, most of my good friends are of the opposite gender, as are most of my extended family members-aunts, female cousins, etc.--who I talk to often. However, I've also had plenty of problems with the fairer sex, as well; most of the people who have unfriended me on Facebook have fallen into that category, and many of them were my coevals. So, my track record with the ladies has been kind of a mixed bag. That's why the message of this book was important to me....more
Jan 06, 2012Laura rated it it was ok · review of another edition
I like the idea that women need love and men need respect. When I read this basic statement, a light bulb went off in my head because this is how my husband and I function as people in a relationship. However, I do not think that this concept applies to ALL relationships. Some men value love more than respect, and women value respect more than love. And they all value both. Futhermore, I feel like the point of this book was made within the first few chapters. After that, it just got very repetit...more
Mar 06, 2019Douglas Wilson rated it really liked it
The diction and syntax are a bit evangelically, but the bones of this book are very good, and would be a great help to many couples I know.
Feb 12, 2011Dan rated it did not like it · review of another edition
Like many Christian books, the authors have a really insightful point, namely that women need love and men need respect. They make this point really well in about 10 pages. The rest of the book is a broken record containing this same point told over... and over... and over... and over... and over... and over... and... well, you get the point. Some of the stories are humorous, and they definitely help make the point in the beginning. But after about 25 pages there is no new information, just a re...more
I have always viewed books on relationships to be a little off. They always tend to lean in one direction. But I wanted to give this one a fair shot and I went into it with a clear mind. This book revolves around the idea that women need to show respect and men need to show love. And it stops there. It left a bad taste in my mouth. I know many women that deserve respect and many men that crave love. However this isn’t explored. It may have worked at some point, but men like women with a soft side...more
This is just another pop-psychology, appealing-to-the-masses-but-not-the-truth, feel-good book. It is so popular because it is in the same vein as The 5 Love Languages, His Needs/Her Needs, etc. which center on the anti-biblical/humanistic view of people as 'love tanks'/'love banks' rather than the biblical understanding of who we really are (Gen 6:5; Jer 2:13; 17:9; Ecc 9:3; Mk 7:20-23; Gal 5:17; Rom 7, 8) Yes, it does uses some Scripture, and even part of the book is true, yet any truth is shou...more
My mother bought this book for my then-fiance and I when we announced our engagement, and both of us read it... most of it, anyway. Two years into our marriage, I will rate the advice as 'excellent,' and I've thus given it four stars. However, like so many 'self-help'-type books, there is clear evidence of the author stretching out his material to fill enough pages to justify a solid $25 hardcover. In other words, read the first half of the book (or maybe even less) and you'll have gleaned every...more
In this Focus on the Family book, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs makes a very simple proposition; most of the problems between a man and his wife are communication gaps. Furthermore, these divides can be overcome if the couple can embrace the true meaning of Ephesians 5:33, “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” While this may seem like easy concepts to understand, Dr. Eggerichs explains the common ways men and women fail to grasp them. Using...more
Jun 28, 2012Stella rated it it was amazing
Ephesians 5:33 has been there of two thousand years! Why do we miss it! Husbands are to Love their Wives, and Wives are to Respect their Husbands. Some think this is archic thinking, but it's not As survy of men who were asked... 'For the rest of your life, would you rather be loved or would you rather have respect?' ...Overwhelmingly the men perfered Respect over love. Our Husbands need our love...But they need our Respect. They need it unconditionally. God created women to be loving and nurturing.....more
This book addresses a tremendous lack in literature and teaching within the church regarding marriage. Dr. Eggerichs is absolutely correct to emphasize the respect that wives are called to give their husbands. The main concept is Scripturally sound: husbands are called to love their wives unconditionally and sacrificially; as Christ loves the church; wives are called to unconditionally respect their husbands with words and actions. Unfortunately, the manner in which Dr. Eggerichs expounds upon th...more
Jul 18, 2012Adam Parker rated it really liked it
I debated giving this book two or three stars due to the very poor authorship, but the content was so practical and refreshing that I could not help but give it a four. This book is another one on my list that might offend some people out there, specifically women, but in the end speaks truth. Not some abstract personal truth, but hard truth that our modern culture refuses to accept. I think men reading this will relate to this book and recognize their need for the concepts this author represent...more
Jun 07, 2012Anastasia Rose rated it it was amazing
I've read a lot of marriage books, gotten a ton of ideas to try, some that worked, a lot that didn't! This was the first one that was a big, huge 'Ah-hah!' in my marriage. My husband and I listened to the audio version on a long car trip. We kept having to stop it to talk about what he was saying. There were several times my husband said, 'That's what I've been wanting to tell you for year, but didn't know how to say it.' I can honestly say this book changed our marriage. We were so impressed, we...more
If you want your marriage to hold the equality and values of the 1950s agenda of putting women back in their place, then this is the book for you.
Feb 07, 2010Susan rated it it was ok
Recommended to Susan by: Uncle Jerry
This book needs two ratings for me: on the topic of love and respect in marriage: 4 or 5 stars on his theology and 110% framing of love and respect by that: 1 or 2 stars On the love and respect part: Neat ideas. The premise is that what women need from a relationship is first and foremost love, but what men need first and foremost is respect. When a wife doesn't feel loved, she is likely to act in ways that feel disrespectful. When a husband doesn't feel respected, he is likely to act in ways that f...more
Jan 22, 2010Crystal Porter rated it it was amazing
I recently had the chance to review the book Love and Respect for BookSneeze.com. I was really quite impressed with how Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is reveal the most simple intimate needs of both men and woman in an effort to break the cycle of craziness that many couples endure. Love and Respect was able to not only place emphasis on the things that we often do to hurt each other. (unintentionally of course...) Eggerichs stresses that when a woman feels unloved she is conditioned to disrespect. When...more
Aug 01, 2013Jay rated it it was ok
Mixed feelings about this book. The central premise was very insightful if not necessarily profound, namely that unconditional respect and love is our duty to God and our spouses. Additionally, he correctly diagnoses a lack of unconditional respect as being the hidden root of much marriage conflict. He notes that the idea of a husband unconditionally loving his wife is universally known if not completely obeyed and therefore spends a lot of time unpacking the idea that a wife should unconditiona...more
Dec 29, 2015Havebooks Willread rated it really liked it
Alan picked this book up off the shelf last month and started reading it. Honestly, I was a little annoyed. I had purchased it nearly ten years ago and we read the first two chapters together, but we hit a bump and never finished it (cough, the bump's name was Alan, cough). But he was really enjoying it this time and kept wanting to talk about it, so I decided to go ahead and read it too. There's a lot of good stuff in there. I don't love the book, but when I say that, I have to ask myself why. An...more
If you read nothing else regarding marriage and relationships, read this book!!! I have read many books, and attended many classes, seminars, etc. and nothing compares. This is the best, most interesting, insightful, profound, life-changing resource I have ever come across on this topic. You and your entire family will be blessed by this–even if your spouse does not go through it with you. Dr. Eggerichs understands the power of habits or cycles, which can perpetuate themselves over long periods o...more
Aug 08, 2011Mary added it · review of another edition
I appreciated the book - and the message was fantastically necessary and well-stated - but it was well-stated by the end of the third or fourth chapter, and the remainder of the book was actually just restatement and repetition. Nevertheless, I recommend this book to anyone who is married, engaged, or would like to ever be married. The authors truly do have wise advice and insight to impart on the different needs of men and women, why it is as it is, and how to operate within a marriage to meet t...more
Jan 20, 2014Sheila Gregoire rated it did not like it
From the get-go, this book sets up the wife as being the one who needs to change. Even in the subtitle--she has desires, but he has needs, desperate ones. In the sex chapter, he describes sex as being about the man's 'physical release' which, if she does not provide it, will prompt him to have affairs or lust after other women. Nowhere does he talk about how a woman may want sex, too, or about how men should ensure that their wives enjoy sex. So much more to say, but here's a link to a very long...more
Sep 11, 2008Kipahni rated it it was ok
okay don't misunderstand me. I think it is important for a wife to respect her husband and a husband to love his wife. That being said I didn't care for the way this book was written. The majority of the book was instered letters and e-mails that Mr. Eggerichs recieved praising what miraculous wonders were done in their marriage once she started respecting her husband or He started loving his wife. I would have liked to have seen more 'research' that was mentioned in the book. All in all I think th...more
Mar 01, 2012Beth rated it did not like it
This BOOK is very popular as IT seeks to provide advice to strengthen marriages by ending the 'crazy cycle' of spouses' reacting to each other. However, this BOOK unwittingly exchanges one crazy cycle for another. The advice contained in the BOOK is predicated on a 'complementarian' view of marriage, a controversial position that claims God has ordained husbands to lead wives. Readers who agree with this position may find this BOOK helpful in implementing a game plan... or they may find themselv...more
I absolutely hated this book. I wanted to burn it when I was done but rather than do that, I just threw it away. The another is completely out of touch with a womans way of thinking and I was pretty much offended through the entire thing. I had to read this for our small group but sometimes, I couldn't bear it and just skipped.
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